I woke up. I looked out the window at the thermometer in my backyard. It was 110 degrees F, so I bundled up and walked outside. On the way to the car, I dropped my keys three times…on purpose. I got in the car, rolled up the windows and turned on the heat full-blast. I slowly began to speak out loud. I told myself a lie. It was Sunday morning and I knew that the Bible was being fully sessioned down at church, so I drove there.
I walked inside, where the air was ice cold. I undressed completely and sat in the front row. The shocked congregation asked me to leave. Still nude and empty-handed, I complied and began to exit. Before I could make it outside, however, the collection plate was passed my way.
I went next door to the butcher and complained of paper cuts. He asked for proof, so I reached for some ID. All I got was my bare ass. The police wrapped me in a blanket. They drove outside of town to let me go in the wild. I offered them some donuts that I didn't have. They invited me to be the subject of a rib-kicking event. We both declined. They left. I leaned against a stump to the right.
Deeper into the woods, I saw a little one room schoolhouse that had been burned down to the ground a century before. I laughed and coughed up a photo of my ex-girlfriend. I fed it to an alligator. The alligator coughed up the photo and a cat that was, at the same time, coughing up a hairball.
I grabbed the hairball and the cat and walked all the way into town, where I saw my parents on a street corner. They wouldn't speak to me. The fact that my attire consisted solely of a live cat wrapped around my waist probably didn't help. They walked off. The hairball still in one hand, I gently stroked the cat with the other and sang it to sleep because, by that time, I needed quiet clothes.
Finally, I went off in search of you. Close to a sunny, green grove, we met. I extended my hand to give you the hairball, but you turned away.