Tao

There's only one return..

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When I was a little boy I'd watch all the Bruce Lee flicks, all the Japanese and Chinese kung-fu/karate/fighting and samurai movies.
The heroes in those movies were fucking badass.
I'd go outside with my friends we'd pretend we were these tough motherfuckers taking out the evildoers.

Then I discovered Star Wars. Fucking lightsabers, Ewoks, lasers, explosions, Chewbacca. Nothing compared to Star Wars.
It was the trilogy. And then came the movies with Hayden Christensen as a young Anakin Skywalker.
IV, V, VI were still the trilogy.

But one day a fat guy who'd previously done amazing films like Braindead and Bad Taste made a new trilogy. But it wasn't Star Wars; it was Lord of the Rings.
3x3 hours of insecure little people hiking to a vulcan, with swords (not lightsabers) fighting orcs (not stormtroopers) with the help of Gandalf (not Obi Wan), and trying to defeat Sauron (not Darth Vader or the Emperor). Lame.

So I've been asking people, friends, the only true question, a question that would determine whether or not our friendship was true; Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?
Some people were indecisive. Some were quick with an answer. The weak people answered Lord of the Rings. The strong, intellectual, cool people said, almost shouted, Star Wars.

And no one said it better than Randall in the latest Kevin Smith flick: "There's only return, and it ain't of the king, it's of the Jedi".

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